Change
by Qem
Summary: Some things change faster than others. Kai already knows this. Tama-chan's going to find out.


When Kai wakes up again after the winter and his short rest, he finds upheaval in the area, with some new ayakashi having migrated from further out to become closer to the town at the base of the mountains, out of curiosity of the new humans that are changing their world, and others migrating away, moving further into the mountain and away from the risk of being seen by the recent increase of activity in perceptive humans.

With all the new faces that Kai comes by, who politely greet the local (capricious) kami as part of their procedures for settling in a new area, helping to perform the rituals that will strengthen the local protection (Kai) and if he wonders if he should feel grateful to _that guy_ for the opportunity and how things a little more like before, with people respecting his power, being careful of his whims, requesting his counsel. Probably not, although his emotions continue to waver along conflicted lines as he hears more and more stories, about how a boy who can see spirits is turning the world upside down.

* * *

Tama-chan remembers many things. Tama-chan remembers having no name and knows that it's a rare concept amongst his, "real" kind. Tama-chan remembers feeling cold and worried as his siblings flew off and his parents abandoned the nest, feeling hope that at least they hadn't pushed him out and depression as the mouse tells him what a delicious morsel that this egg when hatched, will be for his master. Tama-chan remembers wondering why the mouse didn't just remove the egg, from this abandoned nest and take her with him, back to his master. Tama-chan also remembers coming to the depressing revelation that it's because the mouse doesn't want a mimic hatching amongst his kin and risk having a prey that looks too much like them. That is, the Mouse of Isozuki is afraid he may not be able to raise his hand against the newly hatched Tatsumi if it looks too much like one of his own.

The contrast with the gentle warmth and familiarity as a different person, actually reached out and picked up the egg, was amazing, Tama-chan remembers. Tama-chan remembers feeling grateful for this brief moment of warmth in what he's sure will be a short life, and when he hears the question on whether he would like to try living a little longer, Tama-chan reaches out to absorb chi and take on its form, the answer is yes.

The time comes to leave his nest and in the moment he hatches, with the only a briefly glimpse of their faces – and insufficient time to absorb chi, he instinctively changes to an incomplete form of the new family – knowing deep inside that his ability to stay with this family is dependent on his ability to blend in while looking as cute and adorable as possible, while knowing that he doesn't stand a chance at actually fitting in.

Tama-chan remembers hearing how when he grew up he would have to say goodbye and though it didn't concern him straight away, Tama-chan remembers later the conflicting feelings as he felt being so happy and so worried as Tama-chan could feel himself getting ready to grow. It's so frightening. Enough to put him off the delicious milk Natsume feeds him, even though he can feel his body shifting underneath this form. He remembers the incredible hunger and desperation – along with the joy that Natsume brought every day.

Natsume, kind and precious Natsume. He remembers him well and wants to make sure that those memories never become distant. Tama-chan remembers the precious promise given to Tama-chan by Natsume about how it doesn't need to be a good bye that they can meet again.

Tama-chan also remembers Nyanko-sensei and how he could transform into a cute little cat that would allow him to spend every day with Natsume and not be chased away by humans or have too many youkai take a dangerous interest believing him small, harmless and boring. Whereas his true form; was large like her, and full of power – no one could possibly ever overlook him in that form.

He needs to learn to do the same, if he wants to be able to see Natsume again, without risking him being hurt because of him, or by him. His body is so large and awkward and Natsume is so very fragile. Natsume knew Tama-chan wasn't of his own, but Natsume loves Tama-chan and Tama-chan loves him back.

* * *

While the other spirits in the area are concerned, Kai feels only a sense of optimism at the Tatsumi Ryuu that has moved into the area. There are so many new faces now, some friendly some not and Kai feels that he's a lot more experienced than the naïve child that went down the mountains to try and make some friends. He knows the meaning of betrayal now.

Besides this Tatsumi seems very strange, usually Tatsumi move from area to area never returning making them a difficult hunt, but this one hovers and returns every few months. It also seems intent with teaching itself a new ability, summoning vast amounts of power as it hovers near the clear lake filled with snow melt and spring water, with water so still that it reflects perfectly the night sky above.

Spring water that originates from his spring, so the magic resonates back to him making him acutely aware of the periodic way it returns and increasingly curious as to what exactly the Tatsumi may be trying to accomplish?

With this in mind, the next time he feels the backwash of power, he easily follows the water to the lake, jumping up on to a tree branch to look level into the eye of the Tatsumi, wearing a form similar to the one he wore for Natsume, but a little grander with flowing robes that reflect his kami status.  
"So what brings you here?" Kai asks with a straight forward smile, standing straight, tall and easily, in a way that no human could possibly dream of, upon that unstable perch.

But the Tatsumi gives him a baleful side-eyes glare, and then turns to ignore him, watching the water as it's silver hair turns brown.

"Don't, ignore me." Kai says sharply with a burst of anger in his words.

The Tatsumi looks at him once in alarm and flies off.

Annoyed, Kai returns to the spring and waits. This is not an acceptable resolution.

* * *

Summer comes and Tama-chan knows that it's a risk returning so frequently to these near-to-Natsume mountains; only a short flight away. He's already started raising some awkward attention, but it's so close. This lake and mountains are so close to Natsume that He knows it would only be a ten minute flight, if He wanted to try and watch him in the distance, even if he was brave enough to approach. But he can't go closer. Not yet. Not until he masters this ability so that he can stay close forever.

Tama-chan's so close! Tama-chan is so close to mastering the ability to transform! He can feel his bones shifting in ways that are similar to before, when he just had to grow. Tama-chan can change his colouring now with ease and the shape of her wings. In ways that will protect himself as well as help hide himself. But he just cannot reduce his mass at all. He doesn't know how to hide his size to be able to fit in and go to all the places he needs to go. To go to the place he wants to go, by Natsume's side.

He knows he has the potential to disguise himself. He did it instinctively at birth after all. But now he must control it. Not just to hide from those who would hunt him, but so that he can blend and stay with Natsume too. Natsume's heart is so big, he's sure he'll take her in. But he can't be a burden to him. He already knows how much Natsume suffers – Natsume saved Tama-chan's life and got hurt in the process. Not by the mouse. But by Tama-chan.

Tama-chan will never allow anything more to happen to Natsume if Tama-chan can help it.

* * *

"Back again, are we?" Kai calls out impatiently, this time standing on a rock that leans into the water from the shore. There are other things he would like to do, but this mystery of the Tatsumi intrigues him more. Besides there is a group of mouse-youkai, who have come to this area to hunt the thing down, gossiping about how convenient that this Tatsumi returns to the same area, over and over again, so he knows exactly how unusual this sort of behaviour really is.

The Tatsumi looks at him in alarm before starting it's flight away in alarm.

"Oh no you don't!", Kai mutters, as he summons his power in flash to transform – with the water that forms his source of power nearby, and a few new worshipers, he can easily transform into a more powerful river dragon form. With an easy grace he appears in front of the fleeing Tatsumi, he blocks her way, forcing her to stop, before he settles back down into his human-like form.

"Now will you answer my questions on why you are here?"

The Tatsumi sniffles just once, before asking in a low voice, more emotion and concept than language, if he can teach Tama-chan to transform like he does?

Kai is so surprised that it simply doesn't occur to him, to refuse.

* * *

Tama finds the river god interesting, especially with how his moods change. He's sometimes very commanding and demanding, he can be more than a little scary to deal with. For example being impatient when Tama-chan said that Tama-chan needed to move off and come back, Kai turned around and said of course Tama didn't need to. Now there are no longer any mouse youkai left on the mountain.

He's also used to being a big shot and expecting people to listen to his demands and Tama-chan's come to understand that it's a source of hilarity to some of the locals when they've been drinking heavily, watching Kai boss Tama-chan around when Tama-chan is in his natural form and Kai is in his normal one. Still, it reminds Tama-chan of Natsume when Kai climbs on his back and it makes Tama-chan very happy to be useful.

Kai's also very knowledgeable - having lived among humans for some time, Kai is able to provide advice and perspective that Tama-chan lacks, with how best to fit in, like pointing out when Tama-chan is invisible to human perception and when his horns are still visible. Kai is also making him focus a lot on communication.

Tama-chan doesn't really understand the point of poetry, but Tama likes listening to Kai ramble off these long flowing melodies of words, and talk about grace, culture, history and times from long, long ago.

Kai can also be occasionally very sweet, like the time that he braided Tama-chan's hair with daisy flowers and clapping cheerfully as Tama-chan delightedly twirls in the air.

* * *

Kai's enjoying his time with the Tatsumi, Tama-chan. It almost reminds him of the good old days when he had many followers and could sometimes spend time with his cousins to the south and west, when he could shut himself off for a little while and know that someone would eventually come to find him and bring him out. That he would never be isolated for very long.

He tries not to dwell on those thoughts. It's so hard remembering how much loss there has been, of rivers that don't even exist anymore, of kami that have gone away, of friends that have been sealed or eaten. He tends to get angry when he thinks those thoughts – angry enough to scare away the hunters, but also angry enough to scare Tama-chan. Sweet and innocent Tama-chan, who listens to him so well and patiently tries to follow all of his instructions as he teaches him, awed by all the little simple things he learned disguised as a school child.

Although, now that he thinks about it why does He want to learn how to transform and blend amongst humans? He shows barely any interest in socialising with other ayakashi…

He has an unpleasant suspicion as he watches in the distance some rowdy demons dance, like the drunkards they are in the distance and hears whispers of tales that some who have come to the party bring, of a terrifying and yet merciful boy and his tricky companion.

* * *

Tama-chan, stares at Kai, in a form that is close to the one He shared with Natsume, small, young and horned, before tilting her head in consideration of the question, so he starts answering the question slowly and cautiously, talking the way Kai suggested to make it easier for others to understand him, even though Tama-chan finds it frustrating the way that sounds struggle in his throat and the strange concepts that other beings seem to hold.

Tama-chan talks about how he thought Tama-chan would never have a home, when the mother bird flew off days before Tama-chan could hatch and the human that took him in, who kept him warm and safe. He talks about building a nest and being so sad that the human couldn't fit in, because he wanted to show him how safe he made her feel. About the big round cat that cuddled her when the human had to go away and would play with Tama-chan all day, before running away to hide just before the human got hurt.

Tama-chan talks about how the human got hurt trying to protect Tama-chan. How it was only because the cat that stayed by his side was able to transform that they both ended up ok and not doing anything that they would regret. How the human loved and accepted Tama-chan even when Tama-chan became many times larger than the human and something obviously ugly and strange.

Kai gets a strange look in his eye and asks who the human might have been?

Tama-chan answers; with the sounds that he heard the cat say around the house, Natsume, before cutting off suddenly when Tama-chan realises that there's something strange about Kai's smile. It seems a little, fake?

* * *

Kai suprises himself, when he doesn't lose his temper. Instead he asks a few more questions about Tama's time with Natsume. He doesn't make a comment about what a terrible guy that Natsume is and instead patiently listens to Tama speak about flowers and nests.

At the end, he quietly tells Tama that he's going to go to sleep – and as he returns back, he closes the spring.

* * *

Tama-chan knows that sometimes time can go at different rates for various denizens of the spiritual world, but he has to wonder at how long it will be until Kai comes back. Tama's asked one of the youkai who has never been particularly friendly or unfriendly and whom Kai had said had been around when there had been more gods and fewer humans.

The paper youkai ponders the question but in the end simply shrugs. "Who knows? Maybe tomorrow, or maybe in the spring. There's so many records of him suddenly changing his mind."

"Oh", Says Tama-chan.

* * *

Sleep comes and sleep goes, but everything always changes no matter how hard Kai tries to hold on.

* * *

Tama-chan feels that he has so much more to learn, but also feels impatient. Tama-chan is sure that Tama-chan is getting closer to the acceptable point, of being able to go and infiltrate the human village and get close to Natsume again – maybe if Tama-chan very careful and waits by the woods where Tama-chan remembers Natsume going home. It's getting cold, and Tama-chan is sure that it will be lovely and warm in Natsume's home.

Or maybe Tama-chan should circle around, go away and come back with the warmer weather to try again?

* * *

Kai shifts as a rare offering is left on his shrine, circled around in his larger dragon form. His mouth twitches in what could be a smile, before the water purifies beneath him, before shifting smaller and stepping outside to his shrine.

"Tama?" He asks of the familiar face?

"But of course! I'm ready to pick up from our previous lessons!" Tama says, his voice having grown out, through the winter, picking up depth and maturity. "I need to learn how to be as well in control like you are, and brave and powerful."

One of those words jab Kai, deep inside, though outwardly he simply smiles full of mischief.

"In that case, want to do a field trip with me into the human village? I'll show you all the cool stuff! Who knows, who we might meet?" and laughs at Tama's gaping awestruck face.


End file.
